Over 10 years ago I had a conversation with Olympia Dukakis. What she said changed the course of my life.
Art by Pete Whitehead
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Story performed by: Aaron Calafato
Audio Production: Ken Wendt
Original Art: Pete Whitehead
Music Contributor: thomas j. duke
Podcast Coordinator: Cori Birce
Creative Consultant: Anthony Vorndran
Production Assistant: Lennon Janovyak
TRANSCRIPT
RememberingOlympia.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
Hey, everybody, it's Aaron, just a quick intro to set up this week's story on May 1st, 2021, Oscar winning actress Olympia Dukakis died. And many of you know of her, maybe you saw her in a movie or you saw her in a play at the theater. I think it's normal for this phenomena to occur where people feel a sense of loss when public figures, especially artists who are well known or who have been part of or created prolific works that have been part of our consciousness.
When they pass, it's normal to feel a little bit of a loss or sadness because you may not know them personally, but what they've created has been a part of your life in some way, and especially if the piece of art really influenced you, you feel connected to that and I think that's a normal thing. With Olympia, it's a little bit different with me because I was able to study acting under her for a short time. And what you're about to hear is a reflection of a conversation that she and I had.
And what came of that conversation, I didn't really realize until just a couple of days ago had played a huge role in my life. I hope you enjoy.-
It all started around 2008 at the Michael Howard studio in New York City, where I was studying acting and I've talked about this place before, and I'm going to have a lot more stories because there was a lot of stories during this period of my life. But I'm thinking about the 20 to 25 acting students who some of them right now I'm best friends with, and I still think about those that I don't keep in touch with as much.
But we were such a tight knit group, diverse, hungry, I mean, physically hungry because we were poor, but also hungry to make a mark in this industry. And I remember us walking around and talking about what we're going to do in our careers and what we're struggling with and we're competitive and just making our way through the industry. It was really an incredible time in my life and I miss many of them. And, you, I know a lot of you are listening right now. A lot of you
And I remember all standing around and we're looking at the bulletin board and it says that Olympia Dukakis is coming in to teach an acting seminar. And I'm like, holy shit, this is an Oscar winning actress. It was a huge deal for me. And I thought to myself, man, just to learn from her is going to be such a beautiful thing. But then there's other thoughts that go in there, too, right?
Like, at least for me, there's this little networking thing that happens. You're like, well, such a competitive industry. And like, what if she becomes friends with me or she likes me? She can introduce me to this person. This kind of thing happens. That's embarrassing to admit, but it happens. You know, you think that way you're trying to leave a mark, you know what I mean? And then there's this other level, a deeper, primal thing that happens inside of me, where it's this need and especially at that age, that vulnerable age in your 20s, I wanted to be validated.
I wanted to know from somebody who was revered that I had talent. And I thought to myself, what if Olympia Dukakis thinks I'm a kickass actor? What if she thinks I have talent? Man, that could mean so much for my career. So, all these thoughts are spinning in my head and I'm sitting in the classroom and it's hot and there's about 20 of us and we're doing what students do, you know slouching in the chairs and someone's eating an apple, another person's knitting their scarves everywhere. And it just smells funky. And all of a sudden (whoo), Olympia Dukakis just burst through the door and she power walks in. I just see this white silvery hair and she flips it back and she sits down at the front of the class, sits in this chair and leans forward, puts her hands on her knees and just stares at us. And then she tells us this story, she goes, "you know, I just got back from overseas teaching an acting seminar."
And she goes, "when I walked into the classroom. All the students stood up and I was surprised, I thought something was wrong and I started looking around and I realized that they were standing up for me. That they had such reverence for the craft of acting, such reverence for their teacher. That they stood up the moment I walked in the room. And now I'm back in the States and I'm really disappointed here that we don't have that same kind of reverence for our teachers and we don't have that same kind of reverence for the craft of acting."
And we're all looking at each other like, holy shit, we're off to a bad start. Not a great impression. And so we all kind of like sat up straight. We were like, OK, you got our attention. And the rest of the class, we were doing scenes and doing script analysis and working on these things that actors do. And the whole time it was really, it had this essence of something deeper than just a regular acting seminar.
Her Greek heritage really came through in the sense that she reminded us that by choosing to be an actor, that you were taking on a great responsibility, an ancient responsibility, that you're not just portraying ancient stories and characters, that when you create art and stories that you're doing it for the public, and the public then consumes it, and you are in turn affecting people's lives in some way. And that's a big deal, and she made that very clear, and I remember I went up and I did my little scene and it was all right.
And she didn't really say much. She kind of gave me a few notes and I sat back down and I'm sitting there and thinking I got to make a better impression on her and the class ends. And I didn't want to be that guy, but I just said I got to be that guy. And so I got up and I walked up to her after class and I thanked her. And then I went into idiot mode and started telling Olympia Dukakis about how I was frustrated that I wasn't getting cast in New York City, that they don't understand my voice, that I was using these original stories as my audition material.
And they didn't really get me. What a moron. You know, but she was so gracefugratefull to me. She stopped me and she said, "hey, look, you have talent." When she said that, I got this big grin on my face and she goes, and, "you know, your smile reminds me of an actor that I really like named James Gandolfini. Do you know who he is? I said, Yeah, that's Tony Soprano."
She goes, "Yeah, he's got his own style, too. But here's the thing." She said, "here's your problem. You're talking about how you're frustrated. You're frustrated at this I know what it's like to be frustrated. I wasn't getting the roles that I wanted. It wasn't happening for me in the way that I wanted, whether it was because of my ethnic heritage or whatever. And I was frustrated. And you can either just stay frustrated or you can do it yourself."
And she said "and I went out to New Jersey and I created a Theatre and I did it myself and I had a family and I was an actor. And it was hard and it wasn't the easiest path. But I was an artist and I lived that life and success came later. But it was an artist's life and it was a beautiful life. So you have to ask a question to yourself. Do you want to be an artist or an entertainer? If you want to be an entertainer, there's a whole nother process to that., And you got to surround yourself with people and you got to become a product and all that kind of stuff. But if you want to be an artist, do it yourself, hone in on your own voice and go to where artists are needed."
And, you know, it just hit me days after Olympia died that every choice I've made in my career has been predicated on that conversation, that advice and that question she asked me.
And my answer has always been to choose a life of an artist. And here I am more than a decade later, miles outside of Rust Belt city where artists are needed in a closet, talking into a microphone, doing it myself and telling stories to thousands of you. And everything in my life that's happened because of that choice, that has a lot to do with her. And I'm grateful. And she never knew or may never know the impact, the imprint she left on me, but maybe that's the gift of the artist. You give parts of your soul away freely with no expectation of a return. And if you do it right, little parts of you will live on through others.
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